Life Change Delayed.

Today i woke up with a finger poking at my bad knee. "Ruins everything" wanted me to wake up early because i had to take my daily A.D.D. pill and it always had to be in the morning which kind of sucked unless of course i could wake up, take it, then fall asleep again, But i couldn't. My dad gave me this huge speech about how my mother did something wrong, (Again) just so he could blow off some steam. We stopped over at a restaurant in front of dad's business to eat some breakfast. I ate my usual, a Ham & Cheese sandwich with some chips and he ate a ham & cheese with eggs. It was all good until he opened his mouth up again, yet to talk more B.S. about how drugs shouldn't be taken for my condition and how my mother should be medicated and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I was tired of hearing this and i felt a searing flame coming out through my throat. I had to get out of there or else i might've burst. Soon afterwords, we went back to the office to meet up with "Ruins everything"s partner in business. As he went to the bathroom to change shirts, i stood outside with PSP in hand, and music in ears. I was talking with his partner and she was great. Then my dad comes out, i thought he had everything and we were ready to walk out. I let go of the door, (I was leaning on it at the time) and it closed. About .2 miliseconds before the door closes, "Ruins everything" yells out, "IWISHITWASEASIER!!!! THE DO--" and as he ran over to the door, it closed. immediately, he orders me to run over to the restaurant and get some plastic knives to try and open the door. So i happily agree and limp over to the restaurant and get the two knives plus a few napkins due to my allergies. As soon as i get back i find out he was still cursing out things about how "why was i born? Why do i deserve this? This is some crud!" obviously, i write it censored due to.. Well the obvious. But just imagine you just lost your car, got mugged, lost your home and woke up on the wrong side of the bed. how would -you- act? Well that's how he did. He made me feel like i didn't deserve this life or anything in it. I felt like i should just jump in front of a car right there and then. But... Something kept on holding me back. I don't know if it was me thinking of how young i am and that i still have lots to do or if i thought about how many people i thought i might disappoint if i did that but just then and there, i couldn't do it. Then we walk over to the restaurant again considering mission: Pick-lock failed. There, i get another dosage of B.S. because i took out my PSP while he was talking with his business partner. about how, "Oh you forgot to grab the keys but you didn't forget that game, did you?" Of course, censored again. How the hell was i supposed to know that i had to grab the keys? How is it MY fault that the business partner stayed outside and didn't come in? How is it MY FAULT if he didn't grab the keys before he went out?! I don't know maybe he imagined i told him i have the keys maybe i scared the business partner to not come in or something but somehow it was my fault. My granny isn't coming so i can kiss that peaceful weekend goodbye. Any-who, the owner of the joint below my dad's business came over and gave him the extra set of keys so he could open up and get his keys out. (Wow why didn't he think of that before, right?) I got so pissed off, i couldn't even talk. Then i go to the mall, to the 2 banks there and neither of them accepted my fathers commercial account so he has no way of having his money safely stored. Oh joy... I kept on sneezing and sneezing and i'm -still- sneezing right now thanks to my bloody allergies. I know my life's not the worst but you sure as hell wouldn't want to be me right now, would you? That's what i thought. (Continued later due to it not being 7:00pm when the day is "Officially over")

All alone

Today my mother left to Rhode Island so i am left here, in Puerto Rico with my dad and grandmother. I went to the psychologist today with my gather and he got my anger levels to the top. I can't sustain this anger i feel for him because all he talks is "Your mother is [this] your mother did [that]" which honestly, i don't give a rat's feces what she did who she slept with or anything but apparently my father cares too much to let go. HE doesn't understand that i love and respect my mother because she's the only one i got. He get's pissed off all the time she calls him or does anything to him in any sense of the way. He is oblivious to the fact that my mother, though she did something horrible, is not the bad guy. She is not a saint i say that now, but she's not the freakin' devil either. She tries to get the best and works her arse off for me and herself. My father is apparently an overzealous freak who thinks everyone is against him. He's that type of person who.. Let's just say he isn't a very nice guy. I call him, "Ruins everything". Well Ruins everything is not that type of guy you want in your life. He says one thing and he does the next worst thing he is not the type of guy that you wish you'd never meet. He's the type of guy who says he cares, yet totally destroys you with all that supposed "Love" he gives you. He's that boy you dated and couldn't leave because he always made you feel insecure about yourself and made you feel like shit whenever you said something or even mentioned anything about leaving him. Sometimes, i've felt suicidal thanks to him. Don't get me wrong about all that i've mentioned. He's my father and i love and respect him but.. For F$%#'s sake! I can't take this confounded life he's given me! I'd prefer living in a cardboard box with my mother than live with him in a mansion. Why? Because atleast the cardboard box will stay clean everyday. If "Ruins everything" had a mansion, it would be ground zero by now. He's the worst house keeper ever. HE doesn't flush, he doesn't care for his pets and he definitely doesn't care for his neighbors. I can't wait until my grandmother comes tomorrow.. She's going to come in her fuel-efficient godly car we call a yaris. I hope.. I really do hope.. That she comes to my rescue. "Ruins everything" has a gallery that he doesn't even work there now. He does, but he doesn't do exhibitions or anything he just sits around moping and whining like a spoiled child about how his life sucks and how everyone hates him. I give him the middle finger when he does this because i can't take that insufferable whine of his. It's like nails scraping a chalkboard. He doesn't understand the fact that though everyone tries to help him he just pushes them away. He keeps no promise yet everyone respects him. Is it just that "Ruins everything" cares for adults but.. No his own child? Is that why my sister left me? Because of him? Does he even have any resentment of not complying with his promises? Do i deserve being with him? I mean.. Is he a diamond in the rough.. or just a piece of worthless trash..? How long until he's gone? Will i be sad? Will i be happy? I wish it was easier....

Signed,
IWishItWasEasier

First day to learn so much.

Today, i finally figured out what i love the most about people: The way they talk to one another.
I'm, I Wish It Was Easier and this is my blog. I'm a fifteen year old guy, living on a 10th floor in an apartment with my mother. I live in Puerto Rico and the thing i do the most is write, listen to music and think. I have a girlfriend, amazing friends and go to a... Sort of Okay School. I love video games and i am highly addicted to them. I've been Diagnosed with A.D.D. and i am getting medicated for it. So far, it helps with me memorizing things that i usually forget like when i lose my iPod or when my mother forgets her stuff. Other than that i still have problems concentrating in school but i'm working hard to get my grades up not considering the fact that i'm writing this instead of studying right now.. Heh... I've always thought life was easier when i was in Second grade. I was a straight A student up until Fourth grade that's when i first got my first B. After that, my grades dropped like a Nuclear bomb on a test field. Fast forwarding, In Eighth grade, i failed the class due to this REALLY big eyed teacher. Her eyes were as big as a galaxy and when she stared at you.. She stared! It looked like a frog looking at it's next possible fly-by meal. I bet that if she didn't wear that horribly black eye-liner, Her eyes wouldn't look so big. Almost 85% of the students failed! I was amazed that even though most of the students failed, my parents still blamed ME instead of the teacher for getting a bad grade. I was shocked. Either way, This girl, lets call her.. "Wanting to make it easier". Well.. "Wanting to make it easier" was this this girl i met in sixth grade. I already had a girlfriend at that time but the way it was going i didn't think it would last too long. Then on Seventh grade I broke up with her in an English class room and she was heartbroken. Uhm... Okay now i can't lie but i DIDN'T break up with her.. She broke up with me. Go figure, huh? Either way i was indifferent and she thought she actually managed to do any damage on me. Funny thing is after she broke up with me this Ninth grader girl started falling for ME! It was awesome for the time it lasted. That time being only about one and a half weeks.. Eh i enjoyed it all until i found out she was with someone else while dating me. I could not believe that i was not the one being cheated on but the one she was cheating with! Hah! That made me feel special.. for about .20 seconds of my life until i came back to reality and managed to figure out that though we were together, we weren't a.."Thing" so basically i was girlfriend-less? For that time which was kind of awesome considering that i noticed that you don't need to be in a serious relationship to actually manage anything with someone. Eh after that a few girls here and there possible relationships with some and endless denials with others. It was all fun and games and yet i still was doing slightly badly in my grades. And now at eighth i Re-discovered, "Wanting to make it easier". She was that girl in school at elementary that everyone thought was real girly, really funny and a nice gal though not all that good looking. In eighth grade, i fell for her. She was always with me, and we spent so much time together it couldn't possibly be like that just for us to be friends.. I was really immature, playful and alltogether a really low-down student. Though i behaved, and helped the teachers and students i barely did any work myself and i didn't work on anything for myself. She changed that. Somehow she changed with me around too. From that girly-everyone likes you like a friend girl, she became this hot beautiful teenage girl that makes me proud to point at her and say, "She's my girlfriend, and i love her!" Now me, i changed the way i dressed, acted and did things. I matured, found out that i am good at leading people to do things and i don't know i guess overall i got friends and became over-social. Life was... IS good. So far, that's all that's happened up until now. Next post is more... Specific.
Signed,
I Wish It Was Easier